Wow...I have such a long story to tell..In a nutshell, June 7, 2010 my husband, Aaron, went to the doctor for headaches, stuttering, and hand tremors. The MRI showed a golf ball sized tumor in the middle of his head. June 10th and June 29th he had 2 emergency surgeries, 1st one to drain fluid and biopsy, and the 2nd to put a shunt (drain) in to release fluid buildup. When the biopsy came back, we were told it was a Glioblastoma brain tumor (the same one which killed his mother when he was 4 years old), and that he had 12 months to live with standard chemo and radiation. We were referred to a specialist, and with his state of the art chemo treatments, Aaron was given 18-20 months. Glioblastomas are untreatable, and will kill you without a miracle. It is now August 13, 2011 (14 months since diagnosis), and his tumor is prune sized and stablized. Aaron is doing well, considering, and I named this blog "Such is life" because from the beginning of this nightmare, he had always such a good attitude, and all he would say when people were giving him pity or concern was he'd smile and say "Such is life!" He is such an inspiration, I LOVE HIM!!!

1 month before diagnosis, he graduated from college

Saturday, August 20, 2011

Sigh....(good sigh)

I've been meaning to post for a couple days now but my computer was acting up. Had lots to say, but not sure whether to rehash it all. Anywhoo..
So in the past years, oh, I'd say since I became a mom, I've been a very selfless person. To the extreme. I can't say "no" to anyone. I'm always available, even if I don't want to be, or really do have a good enough reason to say "no" to most people, most anything isn't a good enough excuse to me, to tell people I'm unavailable to help them. UHG! Quite the big stressor in my life. BUT! Today I had some eureka moment apparently, and will be telling people "no" from here on out, and putting my needs first (psychological, emotional, and family needs!) This is for my own good, and my family's. I'm realizing that this next, however long, months that I have with my husband (hopefully more like a year is what I'm hoping for..or forever! I'll take forever!) is going to go by so fast (as the past 13 months have flown by) and that I'm going to not even realize what happened because all I ever do is please please please people!!!! I'm so mad at myself for this!! I take on all these extra favors for people, and then I'm consumed by them, and it makes my weeks go by faster because all I'm doing is living week by week, on these other peoples schedules :( HATE IT! So.....the boundaries are going up, I'm preparing myself to say "no", and I'm putting myself, and my family first.
It feels wrong saying that. Since I became a Christian, it's all about dying to yourself, and putting others above yourself, which I do agree with, but really, there is a line that needs to be drawn. The world teaches put yourself first. It's completely all about self satisfaction. I've been completely against this idea. And even the idea of 'put yourself first, because if you don't, how are you going to be able to help others?' Blah blah blah...but I'm really starting  to kinda see that (IN A WAY). I'm not saying I'm going to become a completely selfish person, but literally I have no boundaries for people. I really do have DOORMAT stamped on my forehead, and it's my own fault! No one else's. :(  UHG. But things are looking up, it'll be okay.
On another note, Aaron's been resting lots today. He had his upper and lower scopes yesterday and all is clear and looks good. So now he can begin his big chemo's again on Tuesday. He's been off them for a couple months. And guess what I get to do! Because I don't know how to say 'no' to people (this was before my eureka moment today, and when I agree to something I don't back out so...) anyways, I get to babysit all day! Oh well....this next week is going to be the week from hell, with school shopping and school starting up, but after this next week, I'm done with the favors people! Done! k? lol jk...Oh, and did I mention I love my friends and family who have all the awesome support and logic. They really help me. Thanks guys! :)
Change of subject:  my brother, Hans, called me this morning to tell me he cheated death yet again.  Apparently he was driving a tractor down a hill by the river, making a dirt road down to the bottom so that it's easily accessable, and the tractor tipped over on him! He was pinned underneath, but escaped from injury because he just happened to land on soft dirt that he had just dumped there. Praise the Lord! I did tell him he needs to realize that God was watching over him, and he said, "well, if he's there, he definitely should get props for it." ..........anyways....THANK YOU JESUS
When I told Aaron about it, he asked if Hans drove back from Laramie with my mom lastnight. He was confused for some reason. Hans nor my mom were here, nor have they been here for months. Anyways, welcome to my world. Poor guy.
I'm gonna go now, and enjoy my coffee and tidy up. I'll report back later! :)
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2 comments:

  1. DanaAugust 20, 2011 at 2:17 PM

    I'm so happy that you have made this decision because enough is enough!! You are a thoughtful giving person, and it's unfortunate that people take advantage of that. Especially considering everything you have on your plate right now!

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  2. Irena54August 20, 2011 at 6:56 PM

    I agree with Dana...it's time to put your family above anything or anyone else...this is all the time that's left...and no one should expect a thing from you Heidi. we love you and support whatever you feel is right.

    And we are thankful Hans is still walking around...I told him someone really likes you and he didn't want to hear that, but I know he knows, if ya know what I mean...:)

    Your dad called to tell me Hans was almost killed this morning...I thought he was in the hosp, but no, just scraped up quite a bit and really sore. There's a reason moms pray every day for their kids.

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